Bible, Budget and Calendar or BBC

As one of our first coffee conversations we wanted to share something that has been great in the life of our family… communication. Learning to communicate is a big deal for marriage and most people will give that as marriage advice, but few find ways to actually articulate how to make this a reality. I read this quote “The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it is taking place.” and honestly feel that it is true. We tell ourselves we are communicating but we are really just talking.  Lindz and I realized that we are great at telling each other things but our timing was always bad. For instance, if Lindsey tells me anything of any importance while the Packers are playing, guess what, I didn’t really hear it. Or if I put  something on our calendar and don’t actually voice it to Lindsey, there tends to be a problem.  So some advice I got from a friend was awesome for us and changed the way we communicated the major information in our house. And we broke those into 3 categories. Bible, Budget, and Calendar and just recently we added a third “B” which is blog. Now of course not everyone will have a blog category or maybe even the bible one but you can sub these out, we just feel that when these things are addressed and given time in our life then we are the most healthy in our relationship.

Bible:

“Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as you are already doing.” – 1 Thessalonians 5:11

We believe that putting God first in our lives and in our marriage is essential for success in all areas of our lives so we start our time here. We talk about what we have learned in scripture that week, the things we feel God is working on in us, or maybe something that we want to be challenged in. Then we pray. We say pray for each other and for our friends. This allows us to refocus from the previous week and then focus on the upcoming week from a new perspective. This may not be something that you think fits for you. Im not here to push my faith on you so please don’t feel that way, my point here is to just spend time with your spouse and listen to how they are doing for that week. Are they tired from work, are the kids overwhelming and they need help? Are they really passionate about something and want to start painting or photography? This is a time to connect and have true undistracted conversation. This needs to happen in your marriage! This simple 15 minutes could change everything for you, why would you not try it?

Try these questions out:

1. What was the worst part of your week?
2. What was the best part of your week?
3. Have I promised you anything this week that I didn’t follow through on?

Budget:

“A good money plan is dynamic and changes as your life does. Do a review of your budget each month and make adjustments” – Dave Ramsey

First you need a plan, if you don’t great your first meeting will be making a plan. haha. After that, you are free to have open financial conversation about where your money is going. You should have financial goals that your family is striving for and then a clear plan with steps on how to achieve them. And always remember that you are a team, so encourage one another and allow grace when it is needed. Sadly one of the reasons for broken communication about money is fear, yes fear that the other person will be upset at something that was purchased or mismanaged. But if this time becomes a safe place to talk openly and honestly then this fear can be overcome and the opportunity for a secrets gets destroyed. In our time Lindsey and I look at the bills as well as any upcoming expenses outside of the normal budget as well as updates on any goals we are saving for.

Calendar:

“Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.” – Ferris Bueller

Life is better when it is lived intentionally. That is what this section is for. We use our calendar to coordinate our weeks and talk through who has to be where when and what the meal plan for the week is but we do this because once we do then we are free to see the open possibilities in our calendar for adventure or as we call it, #marriedadventures. Scheduling conflicts happen and are frustrating when not communicated well. There were times early where Lindsey would be expecting a night together and then I would unknowingly surprise her with a meeting that I thought I told her about. This helps to counter that and give each other a clear expectation for the week and month ahead. We plan out each week but we also look at the month as a whole. I would also set some non-negotiables, like a date night at least once a month, or dinner at together at least 2 times a week. Remember family comes first in the calendar and then the other pieces get filled in afterwards and never the other way around.